Embracing Grief: A Journey of Love and Healing
I want to share a poem with you that has deeply resonated with me:
LOVE CAME FIRST
You don’t move on after loss, but you must move with.
You must shake hands with grief, welcome her in, for she lives with you now.
Pull her a chair at the table and offer her comfort.
She is not the monster you first thought her to be. She is love.
And she will walk with you now, stay with you now, peacefully. If you let her.
And on the days when your anger is high, remember why she came, remember who she represents.
Remember.
Grief came to you my friend because love came first.
Love came first…
by Donna Ashworth.
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This poem appeared on my feed this past, Father’s Day, and the following Monday, which marked our Wedding Anniversary. These days have often been cloaked in sadness and grief for me. But, after 7.5 years, I’ve reached a place where I can experience grief as love and not as the monster it once was.
I am grateful to now sit with grief, cherishing the memories of becoming and parenting with my husband. He loved being a dad so much. I relived our wedding day with joy and adoration—what a wedding that was. Although, the sadness still comes strongly when I reflect on my son's experience of loss and grief and how it is harder for him as he gets older to not have his dad.
It has taken many years of intentional healing and personal growth to reach this place. This past fall, after years of mindfulness and self-compassion training, and reading profound books on grief and purpose like "Finding Meaning" by David Kessler and "Upside, The New Science of Posttraumatic Growth” by Jim Rendon, I finally started to feel better. It is important to remember, there is no timeline for grief; each person has their own journey. If you are in the midst of grief, I hold space for you in my heart.
If you are looking for ways to navigate your own journey through grief, here are some mindfulness and compassion activities that have helped me:
1. Mindful Breathing
- Take a few minutes each day to focus on your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. This can help center your mind and calm your emotions.
2. Gratitude Journaling
- Each day, write down three things you are grateful for. This practice can shift your focus from what you have lost to what you still have.
3. Loving-Kindness Meditation
- Sit quietly and send thoughts of love and kindness to yourself, your loved ones, and even to those you have lost. This can help cultivate compassion and reduce feelings of isolation.
4. Nature Walks
- Spend time in nature, observing the beauty around you. The natural world can be a powerful source of healing and perspective.
5. Creative Expression
- Engage in activities like painting, writing, or playing music. Creative outlets can help process emotions in a non-verbal way.
6. Body Scan Meditation
- Lie down comfortably and mentally scan your body from head to toe, noticing any areas of tension. This practice can increase body awareness and promote relaxation.
7. Self-Compassion Breaks
- Throughout the day, take moments to speak kindly to yourself. Acknowledge your struggles, hold space for your emotions and offer yourself the same compassion you would a friend.
It is important to take your time, be gentle with yourself, and avoid judging or comparing your experience—it will be messy. Allow yourself to love your messy, with a compassionate heart.
Warmest regards and gratitude,
Kristina Strong, PhD, BCC
(If you would like guidance in meditation and the mindfulness skills that helped me, I recommend you take the Daily Mindfulness Course to get you started on your healing journey.)
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