From Fear to Courage: How to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone and Embrace Growth
Whether you want to see today Monday, January 1, 2024, as a new year, month, week, or day, it's all a new beginning full of possibilities. Full of opportunity to become the person you want to be. Take a moment to reflect on who you would like to be? I am not saying that who you are now is not who you are meant to be. Growth happens in its own time. I am inviting you to reflect on those times you wished for something for yourself, but fear or self-doubt got in the way.
Instead of focusing on what goals you want to accomplish in 2024, it's important to think about who you want to become. This idea is inspired by James Clear's book, Atomic Habits. Clear suggested that to make meaningful changes in your life, it's important to develop habits that support the identity you would like to become. As a personal resilience coach, I aim to help women become the version of themselves that their heart truly desires. I do this by challenging mental and behavioral habits that hold them back and by assisting them to develop self-compassion and courage.
From my personal experience and experience as a former therapist and coach, I have encountered many women who struggle with feeling stuck in old patterns of negative thinking, not following through with their hopes and wishes, letting fear or self-judgment stop them from doing new things, feeling in conflict with how they are behaving and who they want to be.
Have you ever been held back by your inner critic? Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? I'm sure you can relate to some. Unfortunately, the inner critic is part of human nature. The inner critic develops over time as we hear critical thoughts from others and ourselves.
Have you ever wished to be more active, but your critic says, "You can't; you're out of shape." Or "You always quit, so why bother."
Have you ever wished to get a promotion or return to school, but that voice says, "You don't know what you are doing. You're not smart enough."
Have you ever wished to become an artist, but that voice says, "You're crazy. You can't even draw a stick figure."
Have you ever wished to be a writer, and your fear tells you, "You suck at writing."
Have you wished to be healthier, but you continue to smoke, drink alcohol, or eat unhealthy foods?
Have you wished to be a more present parent but continue to work at home after work hours?
Have you wished for more kindness and compassion towards yourself, but you continue to let the inner critic chastise you?
I'm sure you have your own personal experience that you could add to the list.
Even though we have the inner critic that holds us back, it is important to know that becoming the person you wish to be is possible! James Clear recommends a two-step process: 1) Decide the type of person you want to be. 2) Prove it to yourself with small wins. It's important to remember that each step you take in following through with the commitments you make for yourself builds self-trust. And yes, the path to who you want to become might be scary, especially if you step out of your comfort zone. But that is where the transformation and growth happens.
For example, if you are someone who wants to be healthy, every time you make a healthy dinner and skip fast food, you are becoming healthier. Every time you go for a walk or to the gym, you are becoming more active. Every time you shut down work and sit with your kiddo, you are a more present parent. Every time you challenge your inner critic, you become more self-compassionate. All small choices or actions you follow through with help you become the person you want to be and build trust for yourself.
I'd like to share a short story of my transformation and growth. For most of my life, I lived with an inner critic that reinforced fear, self-doubt, and the belief that I was not good enough. This inner critic kept me small and held me back from doing new things and meeting new people; she used to say, "No one was going to like you; you're totally awkward and not that interesting or fun." This year, I have done new and amazing things, met many wonderful people, and formed valuable friendships that I wouldn't have made if I continued to listen to the critic.
So what changed? I decided that I wanted to be someone who says "YES" to new things. Someone who dared to do so. Someone who can speak in public and know that it wasn't going to kill me. So, I started small. I invited women to join me in meditation groups. A few of my lovely friends showed up. I got to practice what I wanted to become: a leader of a women's group, guiding discussion and meditation. I started putting myself out there on social media. I have not yet been shamed or told that what I have to say is stupid. I have offered workshops, done a public speaking engagement, and walked away feeling amazing. Feeling proud of myself. I even took a couple writing courses and an improv class. And one of the best decisions I made this year was to join a networking group. I where I had lots of practice introducing myself to new people. By the end of 2023, I had become the brand for my coaching business. It took a year for this transformation and growth. Yes, the inner critic still speaks up, but I know I can prove her wrong.
I invite you to revisit what you wanted to do or become that the inner critic held back. What small steps can you take to prove your inner critic wrong and prove to yourself that you are the person you want to be.
Let's say that you want to become someone who has a loving relationship with themselves.
Explore what it means for you to have more self-compassion?
Explore what actions you want to take that reinforce your love for yourself? To transform your belief to "I am a person who loves themselves."
What is the proof?
Every time I…
Go for a walk.
Meditate
Challenge negative thoughts about myself.
Ask for help.
Follow through with commitments I make to myself.
Give myself permission to rest.
Journal
All of these actions are proof of self-love and compassion.
I am available to help you on your journey to becoming the person your inner critic didn't want you to be. You can reach out anytime at kristina@kristinastrong.com